EVEN IN THE ELDER YEARS, LIFE REQUIRES US TO MAKE BIG MOVES

Are you one of the many who are faced with the fear that moving your parents to a care community will disrupt their lives and make them unhappy?  Do you worry that you are altering their lives in a way that reduce the quality of life?  I helped a woman who is a life coach with finding a care community and moving her parents from New York to Arizona.  As always, there was a great deal of concern whether she was doing the right thing and whether her parents would adapt and embrace the change.  Recently, she has been writing a series of articles about this process and the most current shares the big move.  If you are struggling with the decision to provide more care for your loved one and that means moving them, please read this positive true story and know that it can be the best thing in the world for your loved one.    ~ Becky

http://home.ezezine.com/25_3/25_3-2011.04.05.05.30.archive.html

What Can I Do If…My Loved One Has Dementia And Now Behavioral Problems?

I went through the very devastating experience of watching my husband’s personality change over the course of his battle with Huntington’s disease.  As the symptoms of HD progressed, the most difficult to deal with was the behavioral problems that developed and how do I as his wife still honor my husband, “the man of the house,” but provide the care I know he needs?  I also saw the signs of impending violence towards me and others and knew that I had a responsibility to make sure he did not hurt himself, me or a stranger that crossed his path the wrong way.  Since founding Assisted Living Advantage six years ago, I have had this same question posed to me by many, many clients.  These are some of the most common questions I receive and my insight or suggestions:

1.  Why won’t my husband listen to me when I’m trying to help him?  He argues about everything with me and doesn’t believe I know what’s best.

People suffering from dementia, whether it’s Alzheimer’s disease or some other form of dementia, often experience confusion and disorientation.  Their sense of reality can be quite distorted.  As their judgment and ability to reason is impaired, they may no longer understand right from wrong; why they feel the way they do; or, they may not believe that their caregiver is trying to help them.  It can be helpful to build a network of people through their doctors, clergy, friends or anyone else that they have trusted in the past to help support your caregiving decisions.  In many situations, I suggest to the caregiver that they allow someone else to be the “bad guy” in relating information or care that the recipient is resistant to, such as taking the keys away from someone who should not be driving but insists they are quite capable of it.  Let the doctor insist they take a driving class knowing full well they may not pass it an then the caregiver is not the recipient of the anger that may follow.

2.  My mother has early stages of dementia, but last week her dementia progressed rapidly and she has been acting out towards me and the staff?

The first thing I suggest is that my clients insist on a physician or a nurse taking a urine sample to make sure that the patient does not have a urinary tract infection or some other condition such as dehydration that could be causing the accelerated dementia.  Dementia does not come on rapidly unless there is an underlying medical condition.  I have seen it over and over again where a client will follow this advice and it is discovered that there is a UTI or something else going on and once it’s treated, their loved one may revert back to the stage they were in prior to this.

3.  My wife becomes very agitated and then curses and throws things at me.  How do I calm her down?

The last thing you want to do is to react in a similar fashion.  In the heat of the moment, it can be easy to forget that your loved one may be incapable of reasonable thought and that they are expressing themselves in the only manner they might be capable of.  In fact, they may not be capable of understanding why they are angry or uncomfortable.  It’s important that the caregiver remain calm and gentle.  Acknowledge that they are upset.  If you are able to see that they may have a physical discomfort going on such as they have slid down in their chair and are uncomfortable or they struggling to eat or drink, address that and their anger may subside quickly.  However, if you can’t identify what is wrong and they aren’t clear as to why they are angry, distraction is a wonderful tool.  Find something positive to say and guide them into a discussion or activity that you know they usually enjoy.

4.  My spouse has become physically violent towards me.  Help!

No one should ever have to exist in an environment where they don’t feel safe.  This includes the caregiver.  If you feel that your loved one is a threat to their own safety or that of others, intervention must be taken.  There are often signs before a big incident that trouble may be coming.  If you have these warning signs, put together a plan of action by talking with their doctor about what you are seeing.  Perhaps, there are medications that can control the behavior.  Review your legal documents such as power of attorneys and find out if you are mental power of attorney and have the authority to commit them to a hospital or move them to a more qualified care community.  If not, find out what you will need to do to get them the help they need in the near future such as obtaining guardianship.  Don’t wait until there is danger to learn what your options are.  The last thing you want to do is make decisions as a result of a crisis.  If you are already being physically abused, you may have to resort to calling the police to have them committed for evaluation.  It may also be necessary to immediately remove yourself from the situation and have another person who does not illicit this behavior from your loved one step in while you decide what needs to happen next.

It is not unusual for a caregiver to feel that they are in a situation that is hopeless and this does not have to be true.  By reaching out to others and letting them know what you are dealing with, you open the door to options and solutions that could change everything.  The first step is discussing it with someone you trust and being open to the tools that are available.  Remember, that if you do not take care of yourself as well, you will not be able to take care of your loved one!    ~ Becky

We Can’t Afford To Neglect Dementia Research

Alzheimer’s disease is an epidemic and our country needs to step up and fund research to treat or prevent it!  This is an interesting article on what we, as a nation, are facing.  ~ Becky

http://www.usatoday.com/news/opinion/forum/2011-03-16-column16_ST1_N.htm?csp=Dailybriefing.

TAKE A BEST FRIENDS APPROACH

I just read an article from care ADvantage magazine published by the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America regarding interacting with those who have a dementia or Alzheimer’s.  I believe this applies whether you have a loved one living alone, with family or in a care community and it is well worth sharing…  ~ Becky

The “Best Friends Approach” seeks to make life better for individuals with dementia and caregivers by adapting a comprehensive philosophy that is easy to understand and founded in a familiar concept:  friendship.  Adopting this approach helps diminish pain and loss, and allows the relationship to take on a new definition.

“Everyone wants to be treated as a real person and being treated as a best friend is what they need most of all.” said Virginia Bell, MSW, co-founder of the Best Friends Approach.

Her bottom line:  “We all feel better when we are with our best friends.”

Here are key points to apply when taking on the role of a best friend for someone with memory loss:

1.  Friends know each other’s personality and history.

A best friend becomes the person’s memory, is sensitive to traditions, and respects the person’s personality, moods and problem-solving style.

2.  Friends do things together.

A best friend enjoys activities with the person with dementia, involves the person in activities and chores, initiates activities, encourages the simple things in life and celebrates special occasions.

3.  Friends communicate.

A best friend listens skillfully, fills in the blanks, asks easy questions and encourages participation in conversations.

4.  Friendship builds self-esteem.

A best friend gives compliments often, carefully asks for advice or opinions, and always offers encouragement and congratulations.

5.  Friends laugh together often.

A Best friend tells jokes and funny stories, is spontaneously fun and uses humor often that makes fun of his or her own weaknesses.

6.  Friends are equals.

A best friend doesn’t talk down to people, works to help the person “save face,” doesn’t assume a supervisory role and knows that learning is a two-way street.

7.  Friends work at the relationship.

A best friend is not overly sensitive, does more than half the work, builds a trusting relationship and shows affections often.

Based on “A Dignified Life: The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer’s Care,” written by Virginia Bell, MSW, and David Troxel, MPH (Health Communications, Inc., 2002).

Senior Security and Well-Being

This week I was asked to be a guest of Dave Issacs and Cara Lee for the Security and Well-Being Program on KXXT 1010 AM radio.  We had a wonderful discussion regarding security issues facing seniors and their families today.  It is a half hour program and I would highly recommend listening if you are concerned for a loved one who is declining.  ~ Becky

http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/12225904

Are you a caregiver?

Did you know that 41% of the Baby Boomer generation are providing care for a loved one and that another 37% expect to provide care in their lifetime.  That’s 78% percent of our generation!

Currently, more than 65 million Americans are caring for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member or friend and chances are that many feel the same way you do, worry about the same things that keep you up at night, and are just as exhausted!  You need support just as much as your loved one.

I always counsel my clients to not be afraid to reach out for help.  Educate yourself on what are your options, what resources are available, and what steps can you take to protect your own health.  You just might be amazed at what can be done to make life easier for you, your family and your loved one.

For practical information–from managing care and drug coverage to emotional advice on delaing with stress, asking for help and finding support groups–visit TheFamilyCaregiver.org or call 800-896-3650.

5 signs to know when parents should move to assisted living

I had the wonderful opportunity to be a guest on Channel 15’s Smart Family Program.  I hope you enjoy it and maybe learn a little about the signs that it might be time for assisted living.   ~ Becky

5 signs to know when parents should move to assisted living.

Vitamin D supplements significantly reduce risk of falls in elderly

Vitamin D supplements significantly reduce risk of falls in elderly.

Falls are one of the leading reasons I see the elderly move into assisted living.  I see it too often where a family’s loved one has been living on their own and independently, has a fall and ends up in the hospital and rehab.  Then they are told they cannot go back home but need to move to assisted living.  This is a very traumatic experience.  If a daily supplement of Vitamin D can help prevent this, why not?    ~ Becky

Patients Respond To Aquariums

I have a 100 gallon saltwater aquarium that I have professionally cleaned once a month.  Last week while the guys were here, I had an interesting discussion with them regarding aquariums in assisted living communities.  I have noticed that the many of the nicer communities all have salt water aquariums and my guys maintain many of them.  They told me that they have done some research on the subject and learned that it is believed that aquariums are a benefit to those suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease or other dementias.  Based on this discussion, I did some research of my own and found this interesting article…  ~ Becky

Patients Respond To Aquariums
by Nancy E. Edwards and Alan M. Beck

 

 

 

The Cost of Alzheimer’s

An absolutely shocking and frightening story on the cost of Alzheimer’s disease here in the US…    ~ Becky

http://www.azcentral.com/video/614074806001